Transmogrification
by anxiousgeek
Summary: SG-1 meet the munsters with disasterous consequeces for Jack


TITLE: Transmogrification  
  
AUTHOR: obsessed  
  
EMAIL: o_neill_obsessed@yahoo.co.uk  
  
CATEGORY: humour, romance, crossover (with the munsters)  
  
PAIRINGS: Sam and Jack  
  
SPOILERS: None  
  
SEASON / SEQUEL: Any  
  
RATING: PG  
  
CONTENT WARNINGS: None (except it's not very good!)  
  
SUMMERY: SG-1 meet the munsters with disastrous consequences for Jack  
  
STATUS: Done  
  
ARCHIVE: Heliopolis, Fanfiction.net. my home  
  
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN THESE PEOPLE. I just really, really love them and am borrowing them. I don't own Stargate, this lot do- Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. And I'm making no money. At all…  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Don't ask, while I had flu over new years I watched the Munster Christmas special on TV and it was rubbish but slightly amusing too. And Grandpa is funny and mad. Thing is that was ages ago and god knows how this popped into my head. Don't ask, it happened, its short, not very good and really, really weird.  
  
Transmogrification  
  
  
  
"It's called transmogrification?"  
  
"You turned me into a table lamp!"  
  
"Oooh I didn't mean to, it was an accident, if you hadn't been so close"  
  
"I only wanted to see if you wanted to come fishing" he butted in  
  
"Really?" she sounded pleased. "I thought you'd given up on me"  
  
"Of course not, does that mean you'll come to my cabin"  
  
"Sure" his bulb lit up and she giggled. "But not while you're a…"  
  
"Sam who are you talking to?" Sam Carter whirled round with such ferocity that both Daniel Jackson and the table lamp thought she would fall over.  
  
"Daniel hey"  
  
"Hey, are you okay?"  
  
"I'm okay, well *I'm* okay." the table lamp started flashing violently.  
  
"Hey what's wrong with that lamp?" Sam turned around and looked at the flashing lamp.  
  
"It's er, er," suddenly the lamp fell over and Sam reached over to pick it up.  
  
"Don't tell him, Carter, Sam please" the lamp whispered. "The whole base will make fun"  
  
"Okay sir" Sam whispered back.  
  
"Sam?" Daniel asked. She turned to face him.  
  
"It's not broken, don't ask me why it was flashing though. First time it's done it"  
  
"It's a nice lamp, a little old where'd you get it?" he asked. The lamp began to flash again as Sam tried to suppress a grin.  
  
"Oh it just turned up" she said.  
  
"Let me see" Sam passed him the lamp and Daniel cried out in pain.  
  
"Ah, I just got a shock" he cried. He put it down on the table. Sam looked at his hand  
  
"Oooh, maybe you should get Janet to look at that" she said.  
  
"Yeah maybe, be careful with that lamp Sam, I think it has a mean streak" he huffed before running off to the caring arms of Dr Fraiser.  
  
"I think he has something for our doc, he didn't take much convincing" The lamp said.  
  
"Sir that was cruel, to shock him like that"  
  
"He called me old, I felt I had to defend myself." he said indignantly.  
  
"You're a lamp sir"  
  
"And who's fault is that?" he said. "Just don't tell anyone cause I don't wanna be called bulb boy of lamp or something stupid like that for the rest of my life."  
  
"This is just between you and me sir"  
  
"Good, now turn me back"  
  
"Well okay, hang on" she said.  
  
"Whadda ya mean 'hang on', turn me back" the lamp cried.  
  
"I mean, it was an accident, it's not even my mixture, I mean, I'm an astrophysicist not an alchemist" she was babbling. "It could take hours to find the right solution to turn you into you…sir"  
  
"What??!!!" the table lamp's bulb exploded.  
  
"Woah!" Sam cried jumping back.  
  
"Oh for crying out loud" the lamp sighed.  
  
"It's okay sir, I'll get you a new bulb, I'll just be a minute." she ran out of her office and went running to the nearest storage room. She returned with a brand new bulb for her commanding officer.  
  
"Here we go sir" she pulled the bulb out and felt the lamp shiver slightly. She was sure she did. Putting in the fresh bulb had a stronger effect, the lamp, her CO shuddered and the bulb lit up brightly. "Better?" she asked.  
  
"Oh god yeah" he said huskily. Sam felt herself blush.  
  
"I think I know what to do sir" she said. "The Munster's are still on base, they haven't gone home yet"  
  
"And…..this is their fault, that crazy vampire looking dude"  
  
"Grandpa Munster"  
  
"Yeah him and his stupid concoctions, hey hi we're from earth, oh hello we're the Munster family, this is Grandpa the foremost alchemist in Transylvania, Transylvania for crying out loud! Alchemist, why how interesting, I'm a scientist, why don't you come to earth and teach us, oh we'd love too, yeah great Sam bring the vampire and werewolves to earth, genius" Sam listened to his babbling rants.  
  
"Sir alchemy is interesting. If we can learn how to master it like Grandpa Munster then we can create naquada, we don't need to go looking for it every-god-dam-where" she ended on a slightly angry tone and the bulb dimmed a little.  
  
"Sorry Carter" he said ashamed. "Please go talk to the nice vampire, I don't wanna be a table lamp, I wanna take you to my cabin"  
  
"I'd love to go, I really would" the bulb brightened again. "I'll be back in a minute"  
  
"Okay"  
  
Sam found Grandpa Munster and Herman Munster looking around the infirmary after Janet gave them a physical and confirmed that most of Herman was pretty healthy though his brain was a little older that the rest of him. And that Grandpa was dead, or should be. Janet had seen some strange things being at the SGC, the ever injured Daniel Jackson being one of them, but this really did take the biscuit. Sam was glad Herman's son Eddie hadn't come along after all. There was a full moon tonight.  
  
"Er Grandpa, I need your help" she said  
  
"What's wrong my dear?" he said cheerfully.  
  
"It's a secret, you can't tell anybody"  
  
"What did you do?" Herman asked.  
  
"I turned my commanding officer into a table lamp. He doesn't want anyone to know though"  
  
"That charming debonair colonel is now a table lamp, how delightful"  
  
"It's not delightful, he's really upset about it" Sam said. "Please Grandpa, he just got too close to your lighting transmogrification mixture when I was testing it, it was an accident"  
  
"I'll see what I can do" he said.  
  
Grandpa Muster destroyed seven lab benches, three chairs and caused the entire mountain to shake and Sam got in trouble for it but eventually he remembered the formula for the antidote to his lighting transmogrification mixture. The table lamp was flashing in delight when they went to test on him. With a puff of smoke he was back to Colonel Jack O'Neill who had a huge grin on his face.  
  
"I am so so so sorry" Sam cried she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. Then she jumped away. "And I'm sorry for that, that was outta line"  
  
"That's a pity cause I was gonna kiss you"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Can I have a kiss to? I did turn you back" Grandpa said.  
  
"No"  
  
"Ah come on, just a hug then, as thanks, come on I'm a harmless old vampire"  
  
"No"  
  
"I'll hug you Grandpa!" Herman cried. He picked the old vampire off the floor and gave him a bone crushing hug. Jack took the distraction to grab Sam and kiss her hungrily on the lips.  
  
"Oh it's all so beautiful" Herman sobbed looking and Sam and Jack, he hugged his father-in-law harder who was now beginning to choke.  
  
"Her……Her……..HERMAN!!!" he cried.  
  
"Oooh sorry Grandpa" Sam and Jack didn't notice, their lips still attached.  
  
"Let's go away now" Sam whispered as they broke off.  
  
"We should be going too Herman" Grandpa said, his voice croaky. "Eddie will be missing us"  
  
The tow Munster's were sent home again and Jack and Sam were both given leave. As they drove up to Minnesota Sam kissed Jack on the cheek as he drove.  
  
"What was it like being a lamp?"  
  
"Not fun, except when you changed my bulb, that was nice" he grinned and Sam hit him lightly on the arm. "Hey! You asked."  
  
"I'm sorry I changed you into a table lamp Jack"  
  
"It's okay, I still love you"  
  
"You love me?" she asked.  
  
"Of course"  
  
"Good, cause I love you too"  
  
"That's okay then"  
  
"Good"  
  
"Fine"  
  
"Okay" there was some silence for a few minutes until Jack asked…..  
  
"Do you think Grandpa is really 900?"  
  
End 


End file.
